My last days at all of my jobs (5) have been uneventful. To expect any sort of excitement or severance package like maybe a Range Rover for “your many years of unrivaled service” is futile. The best I got was a plate of chili cheese fries from my school district boss, which I had to eat alone because summer hours for everyone else was reduced. My last day for tutoring college algebra was not celebrated. The finale to my medical assisting gig led to hugs and kisses from my coworkers. And finally, my service to Pippin ended with cushy summer hours of sitting on a chair for 8 hours a day three times a week, watching my life pass me by, and visible growth of facial hair to my hourly trips to the bathroom after drinking too much coffee.
Don’t get me wrong I never expected anything in return. I’m by nature a stress fanatic and workaholic (which I’ll be soon part of a psych study in UCI where they see how stress affects students; obviously they turn out like me, overworked, underloved, but infinite cash flow ;D). It was recently that I had another nervous breakdown, however a really good friend helped me through it.
“But do you like it?” he asked after dessert and a couple of beers.
“I don’t know…I’ve done everything right…sometimes I wish I could be stupid. Just one time I hope I enjoyed a failure. One time maybe I’d like a big red cross on my forehead." I responded with tears still rolling down my cheek carried over from retelling my coming out experience.
“But do you enjoy it?” he asked once more.
“I’ve been trained to enjoy it. I’ve been given a gold star for every goddamn thing. I don’t know what I want anymore. I wish I wished what you want” I gulped pointing to his apathetic view about life.
“You’re putting in a lot of effort…just wait to reap the benefits. Hang in there. I could’ve been a great athlete. I just chose not to pursue it. That’s my decision. I know one day you’ll be a head nurse or higher and you’ll be with a great guy.”
I thanked him and laughed as I ended the lives of slow running tears.
“I wish you could write your stories as well. Your life is so inspiring and moving I feel like people out there are missing out when you don’t share it.”
So my last hoorah at being awesome for these two years was to consult for a manager at Brandywine about the menu planning and costing program that UCI Dining and Hospitality uses. Thanks for the leadership and technical experience Pippin Commons. I’ll carry it far.
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