Not Up to Par

Not Up to Par (Short Story)

I told myself I’ll write more during summer, but work has recently been dipping me in lava. WARNING: For adults only.

She undressed, slowly slipping the lavender silk night gown next to the bathroom door. She raised her hands as if shackled by an unknown puppeteer, brought them back down and pointed at his manhood. Like a panther ready to pounce, Mrs. Bouchon-Young stalked around the corners of the bed sharpening her reddish violet nails against his unshaven legs. Mr. Young shivered. He hastily pulled his legs back, but in order to re-establish the romance he let out a groan and slicked her hair back. She lunged at him.

‘Not again…’ he thought ‘This is twice today.’ Their pelvises touched.

Her arms wrapped around his shoulder and guttural sounds filled the cinnamon infused bedroom.

‘I can do this…’ his mind wandered somewhere else ‘How much could this woman fuck? It’s turning into a chore…I’ll grab her breasts to hasten this.’

Mr. Young squeezed the fullness of her femininity and even decided to bite her nipples for good measure. She let out a roar as she galloped faster.

‘Wrong move…’ he deliberated.

“Do that again!” Mrs. Bouchon-Young cawed.

“Sure honey.” He lied.

This was the ticket to normalcy so he’d better do a good job keeping this woman. She finally finished. Mr. Young was complimented on his good work in great sex as she rolled over and wished him goodnight.

‘Oh thank god…’ he whispered to himself.

Although he was glad that acting was over, he hadn’t finished. What about him? He peeked under the blanket to see an erect phalanx swollen from friction. Déjà vu struck.

The bathroom was an inviting place. It was solitary, allowing him time to himself, and a portal to a past world where he could be.

He squirted some lotion in his hand and freed a pleasant and nostalgic spray of Lacoste pour home in the middle of the room. It reminded him of those nights on Aidan’s bed. He stroked his cock. The thought of Aidan, the warmth and smile, and the perfect posture surged a rush of blood to very important places. He leaned over the sink, but he didn’t want to finish within a minute, it took ten to knock out sally. He had to make it worthwhile to make this moment of the past to last longer….

Kasey Young hugged Aidan’s legs and devoured him. Aidan retracted in ecstasy. Kasey continued dealing blows. Just to tease, Aidan put on his shorts and ran outside to the backyard near the pool. Kasey giggled and followed near the fountain.

They kissed under the fountain beside the cliff.

Part of him spewed all over the pure titanium sink. ‘Trapped’ he thought as he walked back into the cinnamon infused room…

End of part 1.

NSSA Speech

Hello NSSA,

My name is John. I was publicity chair this year for NSSA and I’m running for NSSA President. I’ve been in a lot of involvements in High School, a plethora in college, reached management at work, set up a charity that raised thousands of dollars in its height and I’m in good academic standing. But you already know or don’t want to know all that. You already have so much stresses in your life and I believe that you need someone that has the aura and personality to lead this board to make this club more fun! We need more representation and more involvement more than ever, but we should be able to balance that with more socials in this club! Potlucks with no agenda, meet and greets, bake sales, fun things too. I have good connections with the leadership on campus and I have great rapport with you! I hope to use this so we can have greater bonding and better events. This is your club, elect someone that will listen to you and still provide a great learning experience outside of class. Welcome to the new NSS-wAy of life.

John Alejandro

Nursing Science President 2012

Memento

The necessity in which is exemplified to require a carmax report before buying a car is imbedded into the very deep of my subconscious. In evidence gathered, apparently you are a douche, have the history of douchiness and will not give me the satisfaction of sensitivity or morale. How frustrating is it to think that I've been duped. Your outward flow of sincerity and youthful beauty actually masks of your told insides festering manipulation and immaturity. I do not believe this 100%, and if someone was in focus out to get you, they've succeeded.

A Moment of Lucidity

So this foreign exchange student is staring heavily at me in starbucks today and I decide to tell my friend about it.

"How do you know she's a fob?"

"I just know"

"But how how does it give it away?"

"You know, the dark eyeshadow with silver on top...the denim jacket with denim pants..."

"Hahaha the nonfashionable ones?"

"What is fashion?..."

"(lol)"

Newspaper entry

College Hospital in Costa Mesa is home to many psychotic patients. Psychosis is a word that describes its encapsulated individuals as having lost touch with reality. There are many, and I mean many, in the Critical Stabilization Unit. They’re admitted because they’re a danger to self, danger to others, or are gravely disabled related to a mental condition. I had one such patient who heard more voices when he drank coffee. Upon further research, the patient was actually being given decaffeinated. So I informed him that it was decaf, as what you do to psychotic patients which is to try to orient them to reality. He wouldn’t have it, he very much insists that it is making him more schizophrenic. He even offered to “test” his assumptions that if I gave him the coffee right now, he would start hearing them shout sexual . I said no that I won’t make him my guinea pig because medical professionals first do no harm. Anyway, this is why you go to nursing school.

I love it

Signs

Repetitive Music

I wrote this a while back...I sound like a Darwinian elitist...

This civilization can’t exist without the working class. There’s a pyramid in place where there’s obviously one or a few that make all of the decisions. How then does a broken public high school system that obviously systematically cranks out mindless drones of mass produced students then differentiate so widely? How do we get a forty year old Del Taco employee versus an M.D. who went through the same 14 years of school? Environment plays a monumental role in developing one’s cognitive world view of one’s self and music plays a monumental role in environment.

What kind of music do we listen to and how does that affect us? Music is a form of identity and it can provide entrance to cliques where birds of a feather flock together. Lyrics like “teach my how to dougie” in a painful over repetition could possibly not only limit the people that you hang out with, but maybe create a mental block from letting further information get in. "California girls" bring horny perverts from other countries to spend their money in tourism in California. News flash, one fifth of California is obese! The next generation will be 40% obese... Words such as “Get out my way bitch” in an astounding number of duplications within a three minute sequence would definitely have an effect on you when you’re walking behind a disabled grandmother in Albertsons. This disrespect would then lead to a degradation of morals and values that a respected community would insist upon its members. Those who don’t live up to expectations in decency? We ostracize them and hopefully downward spiral into the black abyss of the lower class. Of course not all of the individuals that make up the bottom percentile of the population lack morals. These are exactly the people that we see in the media who “deserve” to win a million dollars, or deserve that scholarship or have their life turned around by a gracious benefactor. Do you still see the message or have I completely lost you? Passive transport of the degenerates of society, but in the case that individuals end up there that don’t belong there, the media propagandizes that we should actively transport them out.

First amendment bullshit, this type of music increases our appetite for instant gratification like sex, money, and drugs instead of creating an atmosphere where we could develop our intellect. Some people welcomed this with open arms and made it a part of their day. But wait, not everyone has to develop their intellect do they? We need the working class. Hitler and Stalin couldn’t have done it better than Ludacris and Fiddy.

I'll still be that elephant

Mental Hospital @ Orange

Psych Journal #1

The day started off with excitement and a thirst for a new world and exploring different realities in College Hospital in Costa Mesa. We were oriented through hospital safety procedures for new students and some introductions. The real fun began when Erin (my partner) and I was assigned CSU which meant Critical Stabilization Unit. We didn’t know what we were up against, but we were told that this is the psychotics, schizophrenics, and hypersexuals of the group. Not to mention that the hospital already contracts combative and difficult patients from other hospitals.

It took me about an hour of observing the patients, the medical staff, and how they interacted before I finally felt comfortable to talk to them. I quickly flashed all PMAB training before my eyes, don’t get yourself caught in a corner, never be alone in a patient’s room, make sure you always have line of sight with other medical staff, and try to talk patients down when they escalate.

Some of the interventions and actions that I did on my first week were:

· Attend group discussion about drugs of abuse and psych symptoms

· Interview 5 patients as well as exchange pleasantries with others

· Learn about the daily routine of the patients, and paperwork with the staff

· Teaching on patient dealing strategies

· Look out and reorient patients who have low levels of consciousness that are in danger of falls.

· And do laundry

There were three patients that were interesting to me and here is a copy of my notes for these patients:

S.

Upon interview pt sounded normal. Appearance included shaggy hair, decrepid teeth. Behavior: interested in talking to students upon asked. Cognition: patient denies being abnormal, and doesn’t know reason of hospitalization, but is informed about length of stay. Pt. reports that she wants to go to the “village” where they would “help” her and treat her better than here. Pt. States that she wants to leave and is eager to talk to her nurse or doctor to get better. Further questioning directed from info on chart about trying to kill her mother, pt states “I don’t know. I didn’t do nothin’ to her. Then she called the cops”. Pt. was thanked for her cooperation and sent back to bed.

J.

Pt. states “I am CIA, FBI, and Secret Service” and believes that he escapes from College Hospital by table rocketship or chair rocketship to the moon. He fixes “computers in space to prevent a white out back on Earth. It is important.” Tried to orient reality by asking location, year, date, and name. Pt. knew location and name only.

J.

Pt. appears docile. Established rapport by asking him about his showers which he really liked a lot. States that “new meds weren’t working so they switched it to my old ones to receive anxiety”. Upon asking if the medication was working and if he was still anxious, pt. responded “It’s better and I feel less anxiety”.

Observations:

Patients are dependent on food, smoke breaks, and telephone breaks and staff use this as a way of controlling behavior. Staff was very patient with the patients. I particularly liked C’s and J’s style of therapeutic communication, focusing on the patient’s needs while maintaining structure. Many nonverbal cues seen such as flat affect, constant nodding, lack of eye contact, too much eye contact, pacing, word salad, tremors, catatonia, snapping fingers, and repetition of words.

Overall it was a very interesting night, however 12 hours in Psych ward was way too much to handle because of the intensity and anxiety of always having to watch your back and never really feeling secure. Had to do a couple relaxation techniques in the beginning, however throughout the day, attacks lessened. Fatigue set in after a while, but overall learned a lot of stuff.

You can do it. I believe in you. You have no idea what you're capable of. You're a strong and influential person. You can get through this. These opportunities come once in a lifetime and no reason to sit back and relax now.

Car Ride

It was refreshingly chilling to sit through the car ride with my dad after renting some movies. Dan Savage, gay culture icon with his husband talked about their new book “It Gets Better” on the radio. Throughout the ride home, accounts of gay teens committing suicide, being bullied, and being kicked out of their homes hit very close to home. However, instead of the usual scoffing with blatant homophobia from the pro-gay ideas and changing the channel, he instead kept the station on the liberal radio station.

Within minutes, my eyes started to water relating to the story of one girl’s family threatening to decline paying for her education. By the end of the account there was a steady stream parallel to her going back to the closet because of fear and losing her family. I felt like somehow keeping it on this channel was his way of reaching out to somehow get closer. I can’t just yet. I’m not ready to talk or forgive or do anything. This tacit happiness is working, but I know that one day we will have a discussion about this. Until that day comes, I know I won’t be ready. I know I’ll never be ready. There are grudges still in play and I one day hope to be a better or stronger person to be able to do this.

When we reached home I dove on my bed and imagined all of the other teens and adults who had it worse than me.

Cosmic

I wonder if some cosmic way I am communicating to someone. Through the vastness of chance I could see this medium as reaching to them. I'm not talking about ghosts, but through writing and the intricacies of technology. Its so brilliant. I loved entertaining the thought.

High ventilation low perfusion

I'm going to stop chasing.

Instead I will be open to being chased.

Need to learn how to be open to other people, not just the ones that I like.

I need to be able to give other guys a chance before just blowing them off (no pun intended, but you can put it there if you like- yet another one that came out of nowhere- wow i need to stop).

From the looks of things I am successful, I've been told that I'm good lookin and girls swoon every once in a while. From this standpoint I'll just let loose.

I still can't leave the fact that I really liked you and rejection really hurts like fuck.

No Regrets

I told someone yesterday I liked him.

He was someone I really liked since a year ago and it didn't go well.

I need to be able to control my emotions better.

Running felt freeing, yet infantile.

Need time to heal and lick the wounds.

You're really cute, intelligent, and sweet.

It was nice knowing you.

Good luck to your bright future, I mean it.

Omelet du fromage

I made the perfect cheese omelette today.

Very thin layer of egg, almost crepe like and a heaping pile of cheese.

It was scrumptious.

Hey

So do I! Just make the first move damnit.

Roommates

You know those times that the people you most get along with really get under your skin and give you hives. Its not the fact that you stop liking them as a person its just the repetitive things they do that you obviously have no control over that gets you.

I've been living with two wonderful people now and they've been my really good friends since last year. We rented an apartment together and they just never clean and are almost always disrespectful in common areas. They always leave their junk everywhere and more than 4 times I've had to do their dishes because its starting to pile up. Or when it isn't my turn to throw the trash, I have to because its going to start to smell. I'm not annoyed at them as a person but their habitual actions that clearly don't mesh with me. I don't see myself as a clean freak, but little common sense things like if RAID has been sprayed on the floor and you ask someone to do it you expect them to do it right away. These spots I obviously stepped on later because they haven't done it yet. Or little things like putting away dishes after they're done drying is never done.

I'm bitching, because instead of taking it out on them I realize that I have to change myself to coordinate with them. But at what point do they realize they have to change too?

I love the rain and lightning with thunder.

They be shakin the apartment with such force and magnitude.

Marc

Dear Marc,

Marc I fucking love you...

I just want you to know that I bought one of your watches at Nordstrom's today and you've made me the happiest man alive.

Sincerely,

John

Butterflies

I told you you had a nice jawline...But I think I made it sound like jealousy like "You have a nice jawline". What I meant to say was "You have a nice jawline". It was a failed compliment. What I wanted to imply was that the deep recesses of your cheeks are adorable, you have nice eyes, and that basically your whole face is perfect.

Laser Surgery

Helped out at Beckman's Laser institute today.

My tasks included:

Discontinuing IV's

Rubbed Lidocaine on a ripped guy's chest and perfect washboard abs.

Took care of patients with port wine syndrome

Instructed nurses how to make mango sticky rice...lol

I think its definitely personality that makes work so much better. I had a great time laughing it up while learning a lot and asking questions

It was exhilarating and I'm so happy to say I picked the right career!

I love nursing.

Miscellaneous staples of my life:

Bic 730R Triumph pens - forrealsies the best pens I've ever used so I bought a lifetime supply just in case they stop making them

Veggie straws from Costco

Biore pore strips

Dasani water

Kenzo power perfume

Vitamin B, C, multivitamins, fish oil

Friends

Damn it. I don't know how to approach you, but I really like you.

That's a total of FOUR employees who thought I was older and out of college. Their reasons: "You're so authoritative", "You present yourself well", "You look older", and one just gets the vibe. I'm no longer cute...time flies =(.

Pens > pencils

Jackets > sweaters

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. ~Anthony J. D'Angelo

Greater than

Coffee shop > clubbing

Sunday morning kayaking > shopping

Vodka > beer

Sleeping in > getting up

You > them

Wings

You give me wings.

I bought a local artist's beautifully crafted clay wings.

I'd like to give one to someone in the future and keep the other for myself. Its an endearing thought. This will last me for a while.

Bossman

My boss told me today: "John, I don't know how I could've gone through this year without you."

I've been in the role of an executive assistant for this man for two years and what a great thing to say.

Some of my feats:

Prepared his stance and emotional state for UCI dining's accident on serving chicken and waffles on MLK day

---Which reached mentionable blogs like the LA times, and OC weekly

Planned, coordinated, and executed three theme dinners (Halloween, Thanksgiving, and the Lotus festival).

---All successes

Successfully implemented his vision in everyday service

Assisted him in a TV taping

---We got to go on TV

Successfully covered his tracks in everything

We go way back...I'll miss him in the future for sure.

=(

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

Roy

I am regalia with a tinge of fierce

Time

After physically falling from getting dizzy, I realized that I work and study too much. I will make time for myself and for love. Fuck it. We only live up to 100. There's no reason why I can't use this amazing coordination and time management skills to fit in fun.

Good game, success. You win. I'll go ahead and grab life by the horns now, but thanks you've taught me such valuable lessons.

Compassion

Whenever you think of religion, you think of organized religion whose purpose is to lower crime and create a civilized society even in the cost of being uncivil.

There's always the good and the bad within every group and I've bagged on organized religion for quite some time. I feel like they've destroyed the soul of being kind and human to each other because of issues they feel very strongly in.

There's a light that was cast today and she simply said I will pray for you. Speaking of the gargantuan stress my body's been through. She said it without asking for anything in return or any social agenda. I enjoyed that. Here is someone with compassion and charity that you don't find in many warrior Christians always trying to end abortion or stop gay marriage even in other countries.

Thank you maam. It's real to know you.

Exhaustion

Work and nursing school is a toxic combination:

My body is in a state of exhaustion. There are tremors in my fingers that weren't once there. Its becoming harder to breathe. The lack of sleep has made my eyes heavy set and become harder to walk.

A bright future must be pursued, I'm ignoring my body's stressors for something higher in purpose. I'm chasing success, money, and power.

Being in charge of 1,000 hungry mouths within a 4 hour shift for three shifts a week is entirely maddening. Couple that with some incompetent workers, highly specialized diets, uncontrollable union workers and we have ourselves unimaginable stress.

This springs forth as well with the incredibly demanding curriculum within UCI's nursing program that every free hour of every day there's something to do. I feel engulfed in a race to just keep afloat with the amount of school and work. There's a midterm every week starting 4th week.

I don't have any time to myself. I need time to unwind and relax. I want time to date. I want someone who can help me through this. I've relied on myself for 21 years. Myself can't take it any longer.

Want

The white room's lights are dimmed down. Blue eye clicker lights glow brighter than the pale luminescence, but only thoughts of you sear min the deep recesses of my mind. I have not gotten to know you yet, but I crave you. I want to press my cheeks against your defined jaw line and rest my head against your neck. I know you want me too. I want to leave everything and pursue you. I have no time.

Do you ever notice the times that just make perfect sense and there is absolutely nothing else that could go right? I had one of those eureka moments today. Whereas once he was a mere flutter among a sea of faces. He now glides past my office.

Advice

Possibly the best advice I've received in a while:

"Think short term, not long term."

Similar to hedge funding this is the key to success of these brilliant women that I am proud to call my friends. Thank you good friends. I heed your advice.

Far Right

Old. Decrepid. Withering away.

The soles of her feet, ashen gray.

The curls on her hair, fried.

The curves have turned into humps

The eyes have finished their tales.

The legs shine no more.

Her personality now weak and atrophied as her psyche.

She believes society's forgotten about her.

Still fighting for her place in the world.

The new generation is creeping.

Pissed.

At her, at her intolerance.

"May she die in peace" they say in different languages.

Her last request is that her Glenn Beck autobiography be buried with her.