Life

Story of my life

My Best Friend The Kingfisher

 Non-fiction by: John Alejandro

(Names have been altered to protect identity)

My name’s Anabella, but her name’s Izzy… She was stubborn and feisty. Her skin is a valley of white clouds and her breasts mountains of soft pillows, while her eyes were windows to her soul. I love running my hands through her straight silky hair and waking up the following morning only to find a curly dead porcupine. And that’s what I really loved is our beginnings, our au naturale.

We met when shards of summer heat danced along the blacktop and when there was a lack of a major presence in her day. She was going through a rough phase where she was trying to find herself and I was there to help her out with that. At first, I never took a second look. At first I just thought of her as a friend, but when as time progressed my feelings grew. At the time my career was a Bugatti doing two hundred on a freeway, but she was a fast coming exit. I was dumbstruck, and all I had was unrequited love.

There is a blue bench between the arts wing and history wing. Sit there, and watch the sunset after basketball and school.  Actually, before and during also. Do this and be free from the strangle of day to day life and escape higher up’s time constraints for a growing teenager. Become luminous with good memories, the beginnings. Sit at “the spot”. Nothing mattered. Do this and anything that bothers you will no longer. When I was there with her, nothing besides us mattered…

Friendship blossoms in many ways. Ours did in a way that I could never fully comprehend up until now. She gradually spent less time with her friends and spent it with me. I was happy. She said that I taught her how to be more appreciative and no one made her realize her feelings the way I did. I never thought about us and I didn’t like her in that way. But curiosity struck me and made me reassess my feelings for her.

A year later, our friendship evolved from something that was mutual to nothing at all…temporarily… We drifted apart. There was never a big fight. We avoided each other and everything was done out of sanity, a roller coaster.

We all went our separate ways for a while. Basketball season started again and Izzy still avoided me. We’d be around each other but it was awkward. At the time I was still in a relationship with a bitch. She was clingy and dependent who asked me to put her above school. It was just one of those relationships where one cared more about the other. In this case, I didn’t care for her much nor did I have strong feelings for her.

As for me and Izzy, alcohol intervened.

Meet her and get to know her. Develop a friendship and get really close. Understand each other more. See if you have a connection. Call her by a pet name. Suffer through brief hell. Drink away. Do this and see the fortuitous rise of a friendship’s transformation.

When my current relationship was unraveling, I talked to Izzy. When I had a stalker and was scared. She comforted me. At the time, the parents weren’t so hot either. She was there. Everytime something went wrong she was always there to comfort me. Just like I was for her.

After weeks of debunking the roller coaster, I found out that it was ambivalence and not I who caused the awkwardness. “I’m not supposed to like girls. It’s against my religion you see?” If you can reason with religious people, there would be no religious people.

Winter break, we’d drink before games, which was excellent because we’d be really prepared for kicking the other team’s asses. And then sometimes after games we’d stay and sell snacks and take tickets. When we were off, we’d sit around and waste time. Two other teammates helped bandage a cracked friendship and things started to repair. Soon the other two faded away and it was us again.

One time Izzy got really drunk and like a ragdoll I sat her on the floor where I comforted her and let her rest. She then started mumbling.

“hero…I havah somun’ to tell you, but I dun a wanna tell you. I can’t tell you?”

She was wasted.

“I like you hero”

At first I thought she was just drunk, but deep down I had a notion that she liked me too. I was so absorbed in the moment where nothing in the world mattered, happy…I was happy that she did the job for me. I was ambivalent before but this set the wheels in motion.

“I like you too, hero”  =)

Crap I was still with the bitch. I didn’t know what to do without being such a jerk to her. Speaking of being a jerk, I did it anyway. I ended up taking care of Izzy rather than go on our planned date to Disneyland. At the time, I would’ve left her over and over again to hear her mumble these soft words.

We stayed in my car, and she threw up inside it. I rushed beside her to open the door to let her throw up some more…outside. I held her. It felt good. I liked taking care of her and assuring her that everything will be okay. I kissed her forehead and held her until her carriage whisked her away.

Tell her you like her. If she told you first, then tell her you like her back. Even if she’s drunk. And when she is drunk, let her throw up in your car. It’s okay because she’s worth more. Do this and you will discover truths that will make you happy.

The moment replayed in loops in my head. When we hung out after, it was left unsaid. Our cracked friendship rekindled, but it burned ablaze now. Weeks later I broke up with the controlling bitch. Not for Izzy, but because she was driving me crazy. It was hard to be with her, but Izzy definitely drove her off the cliff. One day, Bitch wanted to talk to me and pulled me outside of gym to try to get back together. Then, Izzy lunged forward both of them went off at each other. I left with Izzy. I was her territory now.

Izzy was the only one where I could see a future with. Planning things like someday we’ll travel. Someday we’ll have a dog, and kids, and a little white boy named Johnny. She would spoil all of them so much. Now someday will never come. No…it’s not like that. But it’s more than you should know. She likes a girl and we could never be together. But as long as she’s happy I’ll be okay. And the girl before was what I really loved. Her natural self, au natural unchanged.

How to get people to stop smoking

Tell them this

·        Within 20 minutes after quitting, blood pressure and heart rate decrease

·        Within 12 hours, carbon monoxide levels in the blood decrease to normal

·        Within 48 hours, nerve endings and sense of smell and taste both start recovering

·        Within 3 months, circulation and lung function improve

·        Within 9 months, there are decreases in cough and shortness of breath

·        Within 1 year, the risk of coronary heart disease is cut in half

·        Within 5 years, the risk of stroke falls to the same as a non-smoker, and the risks of many cancers (mouth, throat, esophagus, bladder, cervix) decrease significantly

·        Within 10 years, the risk of dying from lung cancer is cut in half, and the risks of larynx and pancreas cancers decrease

·        Within 15 years, the risk of coronary heart disease drops to the level of a non-smoker

A Date with Three Queens

Gina is a cultured elderly woman trapped inside a man’s body who carries a side purse and a ponytail. She drives a humble car, and is a travel agent who gets to go to different parts of the world. She appreciates art and fine conversation.

Maya is a successful man in his age loved by family, friends, and colleagues. She goes on gay cruises and drags up to have a good time and get some tail. She has a long distance boyfriend whom she sees rarely.

Kimberly a younger queen is a medical technician in her other life. At night, she becomes Kimberly Storm, like from the X-men. She is still looking for what she wants but is currently seeing a guy in West Hollywood.

John was a junior year nursing student and is redefining happiness on his own terms. Unfortunately he is not a queen.

We pulled up next to Corner Bakery, where we started our day. A hot stud started undressing after his shift from Ralph’s supermarket. With his car door ajar, he slowly took off his shirt then his wife-beater; his muscles gleamed in the light. Large pecks held up by tight abs made us three salivate like old dogs. Kimberly did not join us until later.

Gina: There at the corner!!!

Maya: Go faggot go!

Gina: Oh fuck…this stupid faggot I’m going!

Maya: You faggot you…

John: Get closer! I want to see his face!

As Gina drove closer to the cute white boy with bulging muscles, he started changing his pants. We were all in the state of mind similar to the fat kid in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory before he jumped into the chocolate river. Juxtaposed to our car was a sinewy man in his boxers. Our car crept by slowly next to the man’s truck…That’s essentially what we were…creepers.

Lunch

John: So what do you do Gina?

Gina: Oh you know a little bit of this and that.

Maya: Oh you faggot…

Gina: I am a travel agent

John: Who’s older?

Gina: Oh you mean you can’t tell? Thank you John... (as she taunts Maya)

Maya: ...I don’t know with you

Gina: No, darling I am older.

John: How long have you two known each other?

Maya: 20 years

Gina: Oh my god so long ago…

Maya: We met from a friend of a friend

John: In your age are you out to your family and friends?

Maya: Coming out…

Gina: Oh yes…John is from the younger American Culture…

Maya: Yes…You know there is no coming out to some people. You don’t have to have a party to say “hey I’m gay!” My family must know at this point in time that since I don’t have a wife and kids, however I just never really told them. I guess I will take it to my grave.

Gina: My family has known. They’ve always known. I just act very behaved when I’m around them. Obviously my sexcapades will never reach their ears but its tacit acceptance.

Maya: Hey police…

John: What do you mean by police?

Gina: You know…like when you get pulled over, very behaved and quaint. How about you what’s your story?

John: Um….

Maya: His parents didn’t take it well.

John: Yeah…I’m the first of anything gay in the family so they didn’t take it well. They brought in a priest, cut my allowance, my father disowned me, parents prayed for me to become straight. It’s okay now it was a long time ago. It got a lot better.

Getting to the Art Festival

(Some douche-like man in a raised truck pulls up next to us.)

Maya: Oh god…he’s so hot…Mmmm…I’d totally have him do me on the corner over there

Gina: Oh yeah…He wouldn’t even take off his shirt. He would just bend you down and fuck you right away.

Maya: Mmmmm yesss in that corner you faggot you….Hahahaha

Gina: Hahahaha

John: Ewww dirtyyyy

Getting Lost to the Art Festival

Maya: Just go back to Thomas Guide

Gina: People rarely use Thomas Guides faggot….

Maya: Well you don’t know how to use your GPS…

John: Just follow the GPS we’ll get there

Maya: Ohh I don’t know with you two just shut up…

Art Festival

Maya: Oh there’s that other faggot…

John: Oh that’s Kimberly. Hi my name is John. (I reached out my hand for a handshake)

Kimberly: Hi….

John: What’s your name?

Kimberly: Kimberly

John: So where do you all usually get guys?

Maya, Kimberly, Gina: Adult friend finder.

John: And how does something like that work.

Maya: Oh you know…

John: Uh, no I actually don’t know. How does it work?

Maya: You just send someone a wink, a message etc. and a situation just plays itself out

Dinner Next to the Beach at the Cliffside

Gina: What kind of Merlot do you have?

Waiter: Well we have 1 which is $100 a bottle, and another which is $200 a bottle

Gina: I’ll have the more expensive one. We only live once right? So threesomes….

John: Right…

Maya: You mean if you’re presented with the opportunity you won’t do it?

John: Well in this hypothetical situation I know that I definitely like one guy over the other so I would probably just get jealous and do more stuff with one person than the other.

Gina: Wait…let me get this straight…Two of them just right in front of you. And you won’t touch?

John: Not if I like one person more than the other.

Gina: I want to take this a little farther…You’re monogamous aren’t you?

John: Yes?

Gina: What???

John: Is that wrong?

Gina: No I don’t know it’s just at your age I would be out fucking everyone. Okay I have to know let’s say this one person is single. And he’s out in front of you touching himself would you still not touch?

John: Well okay…I’m not stupid obviously I’ll do stuff with this guy if I like him and if I was single.

Gina: So many rules…

John: Different generations? I don’t know…if you’ve found the one wouldn’t you want to stay with them as long as it works?

Gina: There’s just so much drama, emotional drainage, etc.

John: Wouldn’t you like to have kids with that person?

Gina: I do have kids, I have nieces and nephews

John: It’s not the same.

Maya: When you get to OUR age, you’ll just yearn for the simple things that make you happy. You just live and fuck one day at a time.

Gina: Yes….I’ve reached the stage of “supreme indifference”.

Gina: So John…what’s your type? Do you like older men?

John: Ahahahaha um…sadly no. I’d be really rich now if I had sugar daddies, but I like guys around my age.

Gina: Shame…

End of the Day

Maya: Well it was nice sharing your world with us as well us being able to show you ours

John: Yes that was very enlightening. I had so much fun with you guys!

Gina: Well be sure to keep in touch.

Maya: Okay let’s go faggot. God it’s so hard being friends with faggots, they talk too much and they’re so slow. Bye John see you soon!

John: Bye guys!