Repetitive Music

I wrote this a while back...I sound like a Darwinian elitist...

This civilization can’t exist without the working class. There’s a pyramid in place where there’s obviously one or a few that make all of the decisions. How then does a broken public high school system that obviously systematically cranks out mindless drones of mass produced students then differentiate so widely? How do we get a forty year old Del Taco employee versus an M.D. who went through the same 14 years of school? Environment plays a monumental role in developing one’s cognitive world view of one’s self and music plays a monumental role in environment.

What kind of music do we listen to and how does that affect us? Music is a form of identity and it can provide entrance to cliques where birds of a feather flock together. Lyrics like “teach my how to dougie” in a painful over repetition could possibly not only limit the people that you hang out with, but maybe create a mental block from letting further information get in. "California girls" bring horny perverts from other countries to spend their money in tourism in California. News flash, one fifth of California is obese! The next generation will be 40% obese... Words such as “Get out my way bitch” in an astounding number of duplications within a three minute sequence would definitely have an effect on you when you’re walking behind a disabled grandmother in Albertsons. This disrespect would then lead to a degradation of morals and values that a respected community would insist upon its members. Those who don’t live up to expectations in decency? We ostracize them and hopefully downward spiral into the black abyss of the lower class. Of course not all of the individuals that make up the bottom percentile of the population lack morals. These are exactly the people that we see in the media who “deserve” to win a million dollars, or deserve that scholarship or have their life turned around by a gracious benefactor. Do you still see the message or have I completely lost you? Passive transport of the degenerates of society, but in the case that individuals end up there that don’t belong there, the media propagandizes that we should actively transport them out.

First amendment bullshit, this type of music increases our appetite for instant gratification like sex, money, and drugs instead of creating an atmosphere where we could develop our intellect. Some people welcomed this with open arms and made it a part of their day. But wait, not everyone has to develop their intellect do they? We need the working class. Hitler and Stalin couldn’t have done it better than Ludacris and Fiddy.

I'll still be that elephant

Mental Hospital @ Orange

Psych Journal #1

The day started off with excitement and a thirst for a new world and exploring different realities in College Hospital in Costa Mesa. We were oriented through hospital safety procedures for new students and some introductions. The real fun began when Erin (my partner) and I was assigned CSU which meant Critical Stabilization Unit. We didn’t know what we were up against, but we were told that this is the psychotics, schizophrenics, and hypersexuals of the group. Not to mention that the hospital already contracts combative and difficult patients from other hospitals.

It took me about an hour of observing the patients, the medical staff, and how they interacted before I finally felt comfortable to talk to them. I quickly flashed all PMAB training before my eyes, don’t get yourself caught in a corner, never be alone in a patient’s room, make sure you always have line of sight with other medical staff, and try to talk patients down when they escalate.

Some of the interventions and actions that I did on my first week were:

· Attend group discussion about drugs of abuse and psych symptoms

· Interview 5 patients as well as exchange pleasantries with others

· Learn about the daily routine of the patients, and paperwork with the staff

· Teaching on patient dealing strategies

· Look out and reorient patients who have low levels of consciousness that are in danger of falls.

· And do laundry

There were three patients that were interesting to me and here is a copy of my notes for these patients:

S.

Upon interview pt sounded normal. Appearance included shaggy hair, decrepid teeth. Behavior: interested in talking to students upon asked. Cognition: patient denies being abnormal, and doesn’t know reason of hospitalization, but is informed about length of stay. Pt. reports that she wants to go to the “village” where they would “help” her and treat her better than here. Pt. States that she wants to leave and is eager to talk to her nurse or doctor to get better. Further questioning directed from info on chart about trying to kill her mother, pt states “I don’t know. I didn’t do nothin’ to her. Then she called the cops”. Pt. was thanked for her cooperation and sent back to bed.

J.

Pt. states “I am CIA, FBI, and Secret Service” and believes that he escapes from College Hospital by table rocketship or chair rocketship to the moon. He fixes “computers in space to prevent a white out back on Earth. It is important.” Tried to orient reality by asking location, year, date, and name. Pt. knew location and name only.

J.

Pt. appears docile. Established rapport by asking him about his showers which he really liked a lot. States that “new meds weren’t working so they switched it to my old ones to receive anxiety”. Upon asking if the medication was working and if he was still anxious, pt. responded “It’s better and I feel less anxiety”.

Observations:

Patients are dependent on food, smoke breaks, and telephone breaks and staff use this as a way of controlling behavior. Staff was very patient with the patients. I particularly liked C’s and J’s style of therapeutic communication, focusing on the patient’s needs while maintaining structure. Many nonverbal cues seen such as flat affect, constant nodding, lack of eye contact, too much eye contact, pacing, word salad, tremors, catatonia, snapping fingers, and repetition of words.

Overall it was a very interesting night, however 12 hours in Psych ward was way too much to handle because of the intensity and anxiety of always having to watch your back and never really feeling secure. Had to do a couple relaxation techniques in the beginning, however throughout the day, attacks lessened. Fatigue set in after a while, but overall learned a lot of stuff.

You can do it. I believe in you. You have no idea what you're capable of. You're a strong and influential person. You can get through this. These opportunities come once in a lifetime and no reason to sit back and relax now.

Car Ride

It was refreshingly chilling to sit through the car ride with my dad after renting some movies. Dan Savage, gay culture icon with his husband talked about their new book “It Gets Better” on the radio. Throughout the ride home, accounts of gay teens committing suicide, being bullied, and being kicked out of their homes hit very close to home. However, instead of the usual scoffing with blatant homophobia from the pro-gay ideas and changing the channel, he instead kept the station on the liberal radio station.

Within minutes, my eyes started to water relating to the story of one girl’s family threatening to decline paying for her education. By the end of the account there was a steady stream parallel to her going back to the closet because of fear and losing her family. I felt like somehow keeping it on this channel was his way of reaching out to somehow get closer. I can’t just yet. I’m not ready to talk or forgive or do anything. This tacit happiness is working, but I know that one day we will have a discussion about this. Until that day comes, I know I won’t be ready. I know I’ll never be ready. There are grudges still in play and I one day hope to be a better or stronger person to be able to do this.

When we reached home I dove on my bed and imagined all of the other teens and adults who had it worse than me.

Cosmic

I wonder if some cosmic way I am communicating to someone. Through the vastness of chance I could see this medium as reaching to them. I'm not talking about ghosts, but through writing and the intricacies of technology. Its so brilliant. I loved entertaining the thought.

High ventilation low perfusion

I'm going to stop chasing.

Instead I will be open to being chased.

Need to learn how to be open to other people, not just the ones that I like.

I need to be able to give other guys a chance before just blowing them off (no pun intended, but you can put it there if you like- yet another one that came out of nowhere- wow i need to stop).

From the looks of things I am successful, I've been told that I'm good lookin and girls swoon every once in a while. From this standpoint I'll just let loose.

I still can't leave the fact that I really liked you and rejection really hurts like fuck.